User talk:Edwin Shade

On My Block
Some of you may have noticed that I have been recently blocked by Cloudy176 for the reason that I exhibited Intimidating behavior/harassment towards another user, namely, Nnn6nnn. - Why did I say the things I did, and what does that mean for my past promises of not being mean towards others ?

I was purposefully seeking to hurt Nathan emotionally because I let my resentment over past mistakes build to the point where I just wanted to hurt another individual. I tried to help people in the past, but let's be honest: two of them still cut and the one I tried to help for an especially long time probably hanged herself. I feel like I have no power to help others, so I tried to hurt others because when I hurt others it is the only time I feel like I have real power. I vented also because my Grandpa has had a recent health problem and I don't know what is going to happen, and as hypochondriac as it seems, I'm scared he'll die or something like that.

Even if he will never read this, I offer an apology to Nathan Richardson, (knowing even that if he read this he'd probably still hate me). I also say sorry to others that I was cruel to.

At this point I'd say I'm sorry for breaking my former promises, but I know no one will believe me so I'll refrain from doing that. Also, if I were someone else I'd pretend to forgive Edwin just so I can fuck him up later when he thinks others forgave him for what he did, and I don't want to have to deal with that, (though given my actions it would serve me right). I said this would never happen again, and I went back on a promise which said I'd never do it again, so - I'm not sure how to go on from here. I have accepted the rejection that will come my way and according to my calculations, it may be wisest to socially integrate myself into a new community.

I'm sick of vacillating between constant guilt-trips and fits of anger, so I figure the best way to eradicate these mood swings is to pick a disposition and stick with it - I chose anger. I want to be nice but it isn't worth it given that nice guys never win and get picked on for their beliefs. I really only have one friend my own age and so I must confess I was planning to somehow ask Nnn6nnn and ArtismScrub if we could be friends, (sounds cringy I know), someday in the future. Knowing of course though that they must think nothing of me given the first time I snapped that bridge has been burned and so I thought: "Fuck it, if they can't be my friends I'll have them as enemies.". I'm not sure why I thought pursuing that thought was a good idea at the time, but something tells me if have these sort of problems I don't even deserve friends at all, so maybe in a twisted way it worked out for the best.

Lastly, I'm not going to bitch about the block or ask I be unblocked before the allotted time is up - that would just be whiny. In fact, I really don't care if I'm permanently banned, because we all know I went too far, and if I were permanently banned across the whole of Wikia I know I honestly deserve it. If I'm unblocked though I will delete all my derogatory content ASAP, not for the sake of my reputation but just because I know it's bad to keep it out there and I don't want others to feel hurt. I also feel the need to take some drastic action to try to prove I'm sorry by action and not words alone, so once I'm unblocked I'll also be deleting all my user content from this site, to symbolize that everyone would be better off without my mean words and that I sincerely want to value others more than myself, even though there are times when I of course slip up in that area. Edwin Shade (talk) 05:44, February 15, 2018


 * That's the stupidest craziest excuse for dickish behavior I've ever heard.


 * You felt bad for not being able to help a couple of people, so you went and deliberately hurt another person who you know to be sensitive and depressed and prone to self-harm. What kind of crazy stupid logic is that? You failed to save one life, so you've decided to go on a killing spree?


 * You say you want to prove that you're sorry. Well, the only way to prove it is to resolve to never ever do it again. Really. I don't fucking care what issues you have, you do not have the right to treat another human being in this way.


 * And if you are not willing to make this commitment, then no overdramatic action is going to save you. What good will deleting all your content do, if you go and hurt another person next week? Either resolve to stop being an asshole, or get the hell out of here. This is a googology wiki, and not your personal bullying playground. PsiCubed2 (talk) 13:22, February 15, 2018 (UTC)


 * It is not intended to be an excuse. In a week you will hear from me no longer, because I will get out of here.


 * I resolve never to do it again, and you will never again hear me make demeaning comments. Soon I will be stupid no longer. You are right in saying that deleting all my content will make no difference if I hurt another person in next week, so I will leave permanently when the ban is over so that I am able to remove the offensive content and remove the stain of my presence from this wiki.


 * In addition, I've sent Nnn6nnn an apology e-mail. Edwin Shade (talk) 15:38, February 15, 2018 (UTC)

Don't worry
Of course I can forgive you. Frankly, I'm not even sure whether to consider Depressed Edwin and Prick Edwin to be the same person. For all I know, you have split personalities.

This only emphasizes the reason why I'm genuinely concerned about you (except now that you bring it up, I have two people to be concerned about). Don't panic, but at this point I'm questioning whether or not to consider you actually capable of functioning properly on this wiki. I'm not an admin, though, so who gives a damn what I think?

Of course you're wanted here. Most of your badges might not be, but you can make a difference here. You just need to get your act together. Somehow.

But seriously, maybe take some time alone. And, of course, get serious help. ArtismScrub (talk) 04:23, February 2, 2018 (UTC)


 * Thank you greatly ArtismScrub, I want you to know I care what you think, and I realize it may be best for me to take a break from blog posting and commenting until I get my act together. I don't want to be known as the Depressed Edwin or the Prick Edwin, but rather I just want to be known as the Nice Edwin. :)


 * So with that in mind, is there anything at all I can do to make up for what I've done ? Edwin Shade (talk) 04:36, February 2, 2018 (UTC)
 * no, i understand entirely. you've already made it up by coming to your senses as always. and yes, i'm sure many of us would appreciate it if you took some time off. ArtismScrub (talk) 05:00, February 2, 2018 (UTC)
 * Yes. Commit to never doing something like this again. Berating people for their issues/disabilities/weaknessess should be off limits. You get a pass this time, because it caught you by surprise, but there's really no excuse for you to do it again. Next time, the people here would not be so forgiving. KobLev (talk) 09:40, February 2, 2018 (UTC)

I can forgive you, Edwin. -- ☁ I want more clouds! ⛅ 05:43, February 2, 2018 (UTC)


 * I, Edwin Shade, promise never again to berate people for their abilities, no matter the circumstances. I also promise never again to let my emotions rule me. Thank you KobLev and Cloudy176 for extending your forgiveness as well. Edwin Shade (talk) 15:09, February 2, 2018 (UTC)

Wow... I can't believe this all happened so suddenly... MachineGun (talk) 14:16, February 15, 2018 (UTC)


 * I look at the dates: That was 13 days ago. The guy couldn't even keep his promise for two weeks. Jeez. PsiCubed2 (talk) 14:29, February 15, 2018 (UTC)